That Day Will Come... Just Not Today.

I am a firm believer in true love. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who will eventually sweep me off my feet and make me wonder why I ever settled for anybody else. There is a man out there for me who I will celebrate countless anniversaries, Valentines Days' and Birthdays with. There is a man who I will be able to get through any fight, long distance, or hardship with and know that nothing will ever change. There is a man out there who I will share an unbreakable bond with held together by the deep desires of love.

But, not today. 

I don't want someone who I "won't be able to imagine my life without." I don't want someone to "have my whole heart". I don't want someone to be "my whole world", or "my rock", or "my better half". I don't want someone who can understand me better than I can understand myself. 

I want to feel whole. I want to be my own rock, my own anchor, my own soul-mate. I want to understand myself better than anyone else can. i don't want to look back and hate myself for altering my future for someone else when I know I wasn't ready to. 

That's why I don't want to find the man I will love forever today. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that. 

For those who know my, you know that when I fall, I fall fast, and I fall hard. I am a hopeless romantic who wears my heart on my sleeve. I simply love the idea of being in love. I can't remember a time in my life that I didn't have some type of interest in a guy. I love having a "texting buddy", I love feeling desired. I have gotten hurt a few times, but I always pick myself up and try to move on. But moving on is hard for me, simply because I love being in love. I've called guys "my better half, or "my rock". I've convinced myself that I can't picture my life without them. I'm starting to realize now, how that's the last thing I want in my future relationship(s). Especially as a young women in my early 20's. Before i enter into any serious relationship, I need to feel like I'm complete. And I need to be able to feel complete, while completely alone. 

I have dreams. I have plans that only involve myself. I'm at a pivotal point in my life where I get to decide where I go from here. I can travel, move across the country, and make stupid spontaneous decisions, just because I can. As of right now, there is nothing holding me back from where I want to take my life - well, having a bit more money would be nice, but, I'll figure that one out eventually. I don't want to find my true love yet. I'm not ready to settle and I'm not ready to alter my personal plans for someone else. The only thing that I am ready for is to discover where my life takes me. I'm ready to move across the country. I'm ready to make new and beautiful memories with people that I'll meet along the way. But, I am simply not ready to fall in love again. 

I want to imagine my own life. I want to be able to navigate through life's exciting opportunities and devastating disappointments independently, and if and when a guy decides he wants to join me, I'll still be able to have a piece of mind that I can do it alone. I will be able to imagine my life without him, because at that point I have already done it alone. 

I'm 21. I have too many stupid decisions to make before I decide my fate. I have the rest of my life to find the guy who gives love a whole new meaning for me.

That day will come. Just not today.